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There was this technician who was always having problems with his old production machines, and dealing with frequent breakdowns. The machine dowtime was seriously affecting output, and the technician's job was on the line. To make matters worse, he was also having a bad time at home with his wife. His life was in pieces. One day he decided to glue the photo of his troublesome wife on his toolbox, which he carried to the office every work day. When his wife noticed this, she was impressed and asked him why he'd done it. The technician replied that when a problem came up, no matter how impossible, he looked at her picture and the problem disappeared. Excited by this revelation, the wife exclaimed, "So you can see how miraculous and powerful I am for you!" In response, the technician said, "Yes. I look at your picture and say to myself, 'What other problem can there be greater than this one?'" (Submitted by Tytus Monday Dape)

A local doctor called his friend, a maintenance foreman, in the middle of the night because one of his toilets was blocked. He insisted that it was urgent and that his friend needed to come over immediately. Upon arrival, the foreman lifted the toilet lid, threw in two aspirins, and said, "If it's still there in the morning, give me another ring."

How many mechanics does it take to screw in a light bulb? Three. A foreman to tell a mechanic, a mechanic to tell a helper, a helper to get his electrician friend to do the job on the side.

There just happened to be a lawyer convention and a master mechanic convention in Oregon at the same time. There was a party of three mechanics and three lawyers at the train station preparing to go to the conventions. As they were standing in line for tickets, the lawyers noticed that the mechanics only bought one ticket. The lawyers bought their three tickets and boarded the train, curious about how the mechanics were going to get by with one ticket. After boarding, the three mechanics squeezed into a restroom. The porter came by and knocked on the door as he said, "Ticket please." The door cracked open and an arm reached out and gave the porter the ticket. After the conventions, the lawyers decided to try the trick, so they purchased only one ticket. However, they noticed that the mechanics didn't purchase any tickets at all. They weren't to concerned, though, because-hey- they were saving some bucks. Everyone boarded the train and the lawyers packed into a tiny restroom. After a few minutes, one of the mechanic came by and knocked on the door saying, "Ticket please."

A maintenance worker was called to a doctor's home to do some work. After working for about an hour, the maintenance worker gave the M.D. a bill for $200. The doctor said, "Good gracious man! I have been to medical school, and residency, and have been practicing medicine for over 20 years and I can't even charge that kind of money!" The maintenance worker smiled and said, "Yeah, I couldn't either when I was in practice."

Two maintenance foreman and an operations supervisor go on a hunting trip. On the first day, one maintenance foreman goes out and less than an hour later returns with a deer. The operations supervisor is blown away. "How did you get your deer so fast?" The maintenance guy says, "Easy...I looked for tracks, found them, followed them, and got my deer." The next day the second maintenance guy goes out, and less than an hour later returns with a deer. The operations supervisor is blown away again. "How did you get YOUR deer so fast?" The maintenance foreman replies, "It's easy. I looked for tracks, found them, followed them, and there was the deer." On the third day, the operations supervisor goes out. He doesn't return, and when darkness begins to fall, the two maintenance foreman go looking for him. They find him lying at the base of a hill, bloodied up, clothes torn, and bones broken. "What happened to you?" they asked. He replied, "I did just what you told me to do. I looked for tracks, found them, followed them, and the damn train ran me over."

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